Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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