sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Randomize
