Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
