Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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