its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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