I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
