if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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