The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
