Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
