i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
