Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
