were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
