This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
