I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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