the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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