i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I would fuck him just for his dog
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
