Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
