why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
