just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
