we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i believe in u and ur pee
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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