you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
