is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
