walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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