my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
