Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
