I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
...so i touched it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
