I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
