Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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