and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
