On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
