I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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