96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
