ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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