So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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