i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
