so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
bring money and cleavage
So many bounce houses so little time
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
