Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
