Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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