Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
