friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
