She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
