a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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