If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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