I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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