Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
