You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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