yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
