We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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