if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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