Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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