How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
