the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
