She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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